Hand of the Emperor
by Wolfie
Summary: Thrawn mentioned 'other' hands. This is the story of just one of them. Follow her thoughts and her path in life. Mara Jade will eventually come into this stoy. Vader features in it a lot. PLease R+R Final Chapter just added!
1. Who am I?

  
Disclaimer: All non orginal sw character + places belong to Lucas.  
  
  
Hand of the Emperor.  
A personal reflection.  
  
  
I'm not afraid just frightened. Yet I don't even know what I frightened off but it's there. Hanging dangerously over me and it won't let me go! I have no idea who I am, how I got here, why I'm here. I used to know that much I'm sure off and the people act as if they used to know too. Just not anymore. It's as if our memories have been destroyed.  
  
Force what am I doing? Force? I wonder where I learnt the word, it has some meaning but...but what? This is driving me crazy. Who the heck am I.   
  
The door is sliding open, I wonder? Yes there is some food. I hadn't realised how hungry I am. Picking it up I rest the tray on my knees. Carefully I go through it, wondering if there is poison in it. Why would I think that? Are the people holding me captive capable of putting poison in my food? Maybe they are not even holding me prisoner? Perhaps this is just a room.   
  
Gingerly I try to open the door. It doesn't budge. Yes I'm a prisoner all right. Why? Why, why, why!?   
  
I'm sure I knew yesterday. I'm sure I knew everything yesterday but when I woke up this morning I didn't know anything. It was as if my whole mind had been erased. Also it hurts. Hurts if I try to think back to far into my life. Something is blocking me and it slams up an invisible barrier.  
  
The air in the room has suddenly grown colder. I can't suppress a shudder from travelling down my spine. Someone is coming. Force let them be on my side.  
  
To be continued...  
  
I cross my arms defensively. The footsteps are getting closer. There is a grim defeating sound to them. As if this is it. I'm done for. D@mn I think too much.  
  
My breath catches in my throat and my heart is thudding so loud I'm sure whoever it is can hear me. I'm slowly beginning to break out in a sweat; I can feel it ooze out of my scalp.   
  
As the door slides open I shrink back in fear. Wait, no don't do that! Fear leads to the... Great something else I can't remember. Fear leads to... hate? Ow! That hurts, that hurts so much. I want to scream. I can't stop it hurting. It won't stop! He's making it hurt! Who?  
  
Two men enter the room, the guards can't come in with them there is no room. Suddenly I get an image of slamming my tray into one of them. I'm stunned as my tray rises up out of it's own accord and hurtles furiously, contents and all, towards them. Did I do that? How did I...?  
  
One of them puts up his hand and the tray stops in its path and clatters harmlessly to the ground. That didn't achieve much.  
  
"The wipe must not have been complete she still retains her abilities." The same one murmurs.  
  
I look at him more closely now. He's tall and dark. Or maybe that's just his suit. He is human? He has a sinister presence but not nearly as much as the harmless looking old man beside him. He fills my heart with dread. The first may look it but he is not it entirely, the other however. He reeks off it, that and decay.  
  
"Retains yes. Knows how to use them. That is doubt full."  
  
I gulp. So I did do that. Have I displeased him? What will he do to me now? What has he done to me?  
  
To be continued....  
  
He come closer and I shrink back until my back hits the wall. Now that is uncomfortable.   
  
He peers deep into me eyes and I feel like he's seeing into my mind. Yet there is not anything left there to see. He grasps my face in a clammy hand. His fingers are cold, too cold to be normal. I shudder involuntarily.   
  
"No, she doesn't know anymore." He grinned evilly. "She will do."  
  
"Yes my Master." The black suited man/machine said.  
  
Master? Is he my Master too? I hope not. He yanks my face even closer to his. I try to turn away but he holds it close. Until I'm looking into his eyes. Yellow malicious eyes. Yellow dangerous dead eyes. There's nothing there. It as if I'm looking into nothingness into evil and then I see myself.  
  
Fear overwhelms me and I struggle to break from his grasp. He is stronger than he looks and catches my hand before it makes contact with those seeking eyes.  
  
I'm angry why are they holding me? Why won't they tell me what they are doing?  
  
"What is your name?" He asks suddenly.  
  
My name...my name. What is my name? Shouldn't my name be my essence. Where have they buried my name?  
"I don't know?" I answer truthfully.  
  
He looks pleased. "She'll do." He murmurs to himself pleased.  
  
Do? She'll do? She who doesn't even know her name? I feel compelled to hit him. Something other than him stops me. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to....? Darkside.  
Darkside! That name means something. Something so important. I've grasped something vital. But there is something more, something before it. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate! Hate leads to the...   
  
Pain intense burning main travels through me at such intensity that I can't make it stop. I cry out, falling to the floor in agony. Before I can beg for help, darkness descends.  
  
To be continued...  
  
My eyelids were heavy when I awoke and my body was tired and numb. Was it normal for your mind to be awake while your body was still a sleep? Possibly not. I yawned and rolled over onto my side taking in my surroundings. I was obviously not in my cell anymore. Well that was determined by the fact I could roll over without hitting the floor.   
  
I wanted unconscious and tried to drift back into it. I didn't want to face reality. Whatever it was.  
  
The sir pressure in the room changed and heavy footsteps fell. The machine man.  
  
I was suddenly aware I was still in my bed, fully clothed thank the force.  
  
What was the force? I had used that expression a few times now and still had no idea what it was. Was it good, bad or both?  
  
I sat up bleary eyed. I was right it was the machine man. His demeanour was as dark as ever. Yet in his presence I was not afraid. Him I could handle.   
  
"You will get dressed and come to the throne room immediately." His tone was authorities and I had no qualms in doing so. As soon as he left the room.  
  
I raised my eyebrow wondering how to indicate for him to leave. A faint pressure touched my mind and then he turned and left. I shook my head bewildered.   
  
Now fully awake my old thoughts began to reassert themselves and yesterday's proceedings came back to mind. Why did it hurt so badly when I tried to think back? Had something happened to me that was so awful that I could only look forward to the future? It seemed most likely though tiny doubts planted themselves in my subconscious. Why had I thought 'he' was causing it?  
  
  
I wanted those answers now. This instant but something told me I would have to wait until my meeting.   
  
There was a wardrobe beside a mirror in the room. I pulled out a dark blue jumpsuit and pulled it hastily one. As I did so I checked myself in the mirror. I frowned at my appearance. I couldn't determine how old I was. There were no real lines. A single braid lay on my shoulder and my hair looked to be in the first stages of growing out of a tight cut.   
  
I wondered briefly why I had the braid. Did it stand for something? I filed it away for later research.  
To be continued...  
  
The door slid open again as soon as I was finished dressing. He didn't even have to tell me to come out I just instinctively followed him. As we walked down the corridor it was eerily quiet. Whenever we passed someone I watched his or her expression. They respected him but it was respect underlined by fear. I seen it but it was almost like I could taste it on my tongue too. That was strange sensation.  
  
I couldn't bear the long silences. It forced me to think myself and then I would start to question myself again and I knew that would lead to pain. I had learnt my lesson twice and had no wish to discover it again.  
  
Finally I overcame my apprehension and blurted out. "What is your name?"  
  
He didn't even glance back at me. "Lord Vader."  
  
Lord Vader? That was interesting. Lord of what?   
  
Something whispered at me. Darkside, Darkside. Darkside. Lord of the Darkside?  
  
"And the other? Your Master." I ventured again.  
  
"My Master." He conceded. "The Emperor Palpatine."  
  
Emperor? Palpatine? That name meant something. But I didn't have a chance to think any further about it as I came to an abrupt realisation that we were there.  
  
Tbc...  
  
I gasped as we entered. It was a magnificent sight unlike any I had ever scene before but then I had no idea of what I had seen before. My earliest memory had been that of four grey walls.   
  
I could see the tactical information of planets and for a moment when I looked round the room it was as if I was standing in space itself. My attention however was soon sought.   
  
He, the one Vader called Emperor and Master was there. His presence was concentrated and threatened to take over me. My fears were heightened like never before and I made futile after futile effort to suppress them.  
  
He didn't get up from his sitting position but seemed content to study me. I felt a growing presence on my mind unlike Vader's it was not a superficial careful touch. It was strong constant pressure. I winced against it but managed to stay standing.  
  
He closed his eyes and settled back into his chair once more content.  
"The braid must go." He commanded.   
I wondered why but did not voice my thoughts. There was an almost instant snap-hiss of a Lightsaber. At least that's what I thought it was called. Fear rooted me to the spot. Surely he was not going to take it off with a Lightsaber! I felt the heat brush against the back of my neck and the braid fell to the ground. If he had just been one millimetre out he would have taken my head off. I shuddered again, that was not a pleasant thought.  
  
"Do you have any questions?" The Emperor asked me.  
  
Question? Question! Of course I had questions. I had hundreds of questions they were attacking my every waking moment. Who was I? Where did I come from? What was the force? That one seemed to rise to the top more than the others so I hesitantly asked that.  
  
His smile became wide showing a full set of yellowing teeth. I must have asked the right one.  
  
I listened carefully as he explained it. The Darkside was what he...they...we used. They were its masters and the more they used it, the more knowledge they gained. The Jedi however were opposed to them gaining this knowledge and sought to destroy them. Wipe them out.  
  
Odd. I caressed the two syllables on my lips. Jedi. It did not seem a threatening word but then what did I know? I, the one who did not even know her name.  
  
"Who am I?"  
  
He fixed another one of his stares onto me. "You are my hand. You belong to me. I shall train you to teach. Who you were, is of no consequence but who you will become. Remember before I found you and your life would have been dominated by the Jedi. Who would have destroyed you once they found out you were different."  
  
I looked to Vader for conferment and he simply nodded his head.   
  
I was different. My difference was so important that the Jedi would have sought to destroy me. Even to my distorted mind this did not seem right. I looked back to him awaiting more explanation but none came.  
  
He was done with me for the time being. He motioned for Vader to escort me not to my chambers but to a gym of sorts. And so my training as the Emperors hand began.  
  
  
The End of Chapter one.  
  
Chapter 2 is finished and will be up soon. Comment, crisitsim? Reviews?? Please take a few minutes to leave a respone. It makes a very happy fanfic writer. :))))  
  
  



	2. Accepting your fate. Meeting your past

Thank you to everyone that replied. Melne, generally I would agree with you I just couldn't make it work right any other way  
  
Chapter 2  
  
  
Sweat poured off me from the exertion of the fight. I blocked Vader's lightsaber and grimaced as another blow just missed slicing off my hand. I had grown quite attached to that arm and had no wish to part with it.  
  
I began to draw on the Darkside in order to win. I breathed with relief as I felt myself replenished. Odd, how when I first began to use it I fought it night and day. I would wake up screaming in the night. Haunted by it. My mind did everything possible to ignore it until I caught my first taste of it.   
  
Then it was like an overspill and I yearned for more and more. I could barely get enough. I no longer had any sort of fear for Vader. He was no longer the dark threatening figure he made out to be. He was still a man beneath that suit.   
  
Strange also how he kept me balanced. No matter how much I wanted to use it. He would not fully let me use it and moderated me when we did. Several times he had blocked out my usage of the Darkside. I doubted Palpatine would have appreciated it if I told him. So I didn't. I could already sense a growing disquiet between them and had no wish to widen it.  
  
Though I still wanted to please Palpatine. Show him that I was learning. That he had sculpted me as he promised to do so. Vader had commented that I was like clay ready to be moulded just stubborn sometimes. I think Vader liked me when I was stubborn.   
  
After our match I left to go to my room. I had yet to leave this compound and spent most of my time training under Vader or Palpatine. Whenever he had delegates from the New Republic I was allowed to sit in. Though only as a shadow he expressed urgency at they never knowing I was here.   
  
I scanned over the data for the upcoming event. The Jedi were beginning to thin and would not be sent with the incoming delegates.   
  
I felt Palpatine summons and rose to go to him. I focused on his presence and reached out to it. It was strong as a wall but even walls had their crumbling points.  
  
Two guards stepped back as I came to the door. I did not wait to be authorised and stepped past them. My footsteps echoed round the room as I stepped in. Each person who stepped into this room had a different type of step. Vader's were heavy as if burdened, Palpatines were...Well I didn't often hear his. Mine always echoed and to me sounded haunted.  
  
I bowed my head respectively towards him; I never got down on my knee like Vader would. That was a privilege reserved only for him. I felt a tinge of anger at that. Vader was wasted here, he needed more scope, and here he was just Palpatines gofer.  
  
I locked my icy gaze with Palpatines own manic one. His yellows eyes still burned with an eerily intensity. I was still frightened of him; you could never predict what he would do. Why he would suddenly take a dislike to you.   
  
"You summoned me my Master."  
  
His gaze ran over me. "Yes, yes. I have been studying you. Your training is progressing faster than I had hoped for."   
  
Interesting.   
  
"My wish is to serve you, I strive to learn more."   
Vader thought me that. It pleases him to have his ego stroked.  
  
"You shall me allowed to accompany Vader to the system. There is a small convoy with four Jedi aboard. You shall observe his methods in exterminating the threat."  
  
I pondered this. Observe. He still didn't trust me not to turn. I guess this would be a test of my loyalty.   
  
"And if events call for me to do more than observe?"  
  
His gaze became distant for a moment. He was reading my thoughts again by now I had learnt how to ignore the pressure.   
  
"If events call for it then you will act."   
  
He dismissed me with a wave of his hand. I felt oddly elevated when I stepped out of the room. My first proper assignment with Vader. I wondered did he know I had been assigned to him.   
  
I happened to glass in a reflective material as I passed down the hall. It caught my attention and I stopped. Staring at the strange person. I was changing not just on the outside but inside too. My features held no warmth, my eyes held no soul. Who was I?  
  
I pushed the thought aside and continued down the hall. I needed to prepare.  
  
  
They were terrified. Terrified of Vader that is not me. They didn't know I was here yet. I followed in Vader's wake watching the people quiver. It was an interesting sensation one I could get quite used to.   
  
After a while I began to notice they too feared me. Probably because I was with Vader. Thank the Darkside of the force we had caught 3 of the Jedi and dealt with them now only one remained at large.   
  
Vader had kept me in the background while he fought them. I was amazed at their skills. They were far superior to me in their skills. I watched as they valiantly and stupidly fought Vader. Surely they knew they couldn't win. Or perhaps they too knew that beyond the machine, Vader was still just a man.  
  
I watched with morbid fascination as he cut them down. My hand rested on the hilt of my lightsabre just in case he needed me.   
"Come Ekaterin." He said to me. "There is one left. Our Master will be displeased if he is not removed."  
  
I nodded my head in agreement. I would hate for Vader to lose another body part if he failed because of me.   
  
"Find him."   
  
I looked to Vader in bewilderment. Naturally I would. I moved to access the ships database. The terminal went on fire in front of me. Oh he meant the force. I winced I should have known that instinctivly. Still he could have said so.  
  
I threw him a dirty glance and tentatively began to stretch out with force. Ignoring the minds of the crew and delegates. I homed in for another force user mind. It was there just ahead of us. Not angry and frightened as I had suspected it would be instead it was clear, clam and in control.   
  
It was far different than Vader's or Palpatines mind. Its thoughts were organised so unlike me own.   
  
I began walking towards him or her with Vader close on me heels. The Jedi was trapped. Vader stepped in front of me just as the doors opened and met the Jedi with his Lightsabre ignited.   
  
The Jedi however had not ignited his. He stood waiting quietly for us. His eyes widened at Vader, as did his sense. By chance our gazes happened to intertwine.  
  
He started in recognition. He recognised me!   
"Uisce? Uisce Ban?" He said the strange name slowly looking at me in wonder all the time.  
  
Uisce, who was this Uisce Ban? Surely not me. Confusion began to mount in my mind. I thought I had already dealt with this.  
  
"We thought you were dead." He continued on.  
  
"My name is Ekaterin Gem." I replied icily. "I am not Uisce Ban."  
  
He looked at me slowly shaking his head and suddenly I could feel him probing my mind. I slammed up my barriers against him. But he continued on.  
  
His head jerked sharply. "What have you done to her?"  
  
What have they done to me? I asked that once, I never found out.  
  
"Ekaterin leave now."  
  
I shook my head; there was no way I was leaving this. This Jedi knew who I was. He had something I only dreamed of having.  
  
His features were controlled but I could sense he was holding his anger in check.   
"Uisce don't you remember me? We grew up together in --" His words were cut up suddenly by Vader.  
  
"Leave."   
  
Uh oh. Monosyllable. That wasn't good.   
  
My mind was reeling in confusion I desperately wanted to learn more but I needed to obey Vader also. Who ever this Jedi was it no longer mattered. I was not Uisce Ban.  
  
I turned on my heel my vision blurred. "Uisce wait!"  
  
I heard lightsabres clash and I knew he would not last long. I barely found my way back to the ship. I snapped and nearly choked to death a tech that happened to get in my way. Questions that I had buried for months had now resurfaced. Who was I? Who was Uisce Ban? What did they do to me? How did he know me?  
  
I fell into my temporary room sinking to the floor. Crossing my legs I mediated and waited.  
  
Who was I? Ekaterin or Uisce. Who am I?  
----  
Vader came I knew he would. As he opened the door I considered hurling my lightsabre at him.   
  
"Ekaterin," He began, "listen to me..."  
  
"Who am I?!" I cut off harshly.  
  
"Ekaterin it will only hurt you if you find out." His tone was reproving and patronising.   
  
I thought he meant it would hurt me physically as it always did. "Just leave."  
  
He didn't say anything as he left and the vase I didn't know I was levitating crashed to the floor. I searched my mind for the Jedi touch. It was faint an echo of when he probed my mind earlier. Oddly it was comforting. I knew that touch, I knew that face but I didn't know how.   
  
I hugged my legs closer to be and focused on the force. Suddenly I didn't care if it was light or dark. I needed to know who I was and that would be my key. I had never been taught it but I wondered if I fully used the Darkside could I unlock my mind. I settled my breathing, relaxing my mind.  
  
In my minds eyes I imagined finding my hidden past and opening it. I thought back as far as I could go and then using the Darkside I pushed on. Who am I Who am I? Who am I! Images flashed before me. It was I yet it wasn't.   
  
A temple, a woman? Someone who loved me? A mere boy. He was familor I had seen him recently. Only he was no longer boy now he was not even a man. I gasped sharply as my contact was suddenly cut off.  
  
I opened my eyes. I felt stiff all over. Slowly I got to my feet only to fall over again. My legs were like jelly and my hands ached. My clothes and forehead was soaked with sweat. How long had I been out? Long enough for us to be on the move again.   
  
I sighed, ignoring the pounding headache. Maybe Vader was right. It would hurt to find out who I was.  
  
"I'm sorry Uisce Ban." I whispered. "I am Ekaterin. Who ever you were. We are no longer the same person. In order for Ekaterin to live you must die."  
  
I closed my eyes, blocking out the memories I had opened. Mentally I shook my self. I had to begin preparing myself so my Master would not know what I had done.  
  
  
To be continued.  
  
  
A question, would anyone be willing to betaread this for me? Pleaseeee.  
  



	3. Jealousy

Chapter 3  
  
I wanted to kill her, I was going to kill her. Who did she think she was? I was shaking with anger by the time I got back to my room. I had no need in the end to hide my thoughts from my Master. He had a little surprise when I came back from my assignment with Vader.  
  
A little red headed brat of a surprise. She couldn't be more than 6 or 7 and already I hated her. Okay I was jealous. I never thought I could be jealous over the Emperor before but this time I was. She would have all the opportunities I would never have. Her been taken in at the age of 7 would be trained better than I and would become much more of a valued hand than me.   
  
It crossed my mind if this was how Vader had thought when I first came. A little upstart who would change his position with the Emperor.   
  
I hadn't shown my anger to the Emperor; I just barely kept it in control. Vader was doing his best too also though I don't know why?   
I was scared again. I knew what Palatine had done with his old Hands; they had mysteriously disappeared sometimes taken out by his new favourites.   
  
I realised now I was only his experiment. One that didn't quite work out. No matter how much I progressed I was still defective. My age came into play with that also. Most had been much younger than me when they first started training. I think I was in my 16th year. I was 17 now. Close to retirement.  
  
No! I would do my utmost to make sure he would have no wish to dispose of me. Even if that meant taking care of that little vrelt.  
  
--------  
  
I knocked impatiently at Mara's door. That was the name she had been given, Mara Jade. It had a nice ring to it.   
  
I turned one of my best glares on at the Kid as I entered but she wasn't fazed. My lip twitched, my idea of taking care of the kid and Palpatines were completely different. I preferred the dump them in the garbage shoot and see do they survive approach while Palpatine wanted me to teach her. I was to take care of her and give her some basic training. Nothing major just teach her how to blend in. Though with that hair that may prove impossible.   
  
At least I now knew Palpatine wouldn't be getting rid of me anytime soon.   
  
Mara turned clear green eyes on me as I entered. She didn't appear to be the least bit afraid.   
  
"My toe hurts."  
  
Her toe hurts? How was I supposed to deal with that. That was the meds department not mine. I smile threatened to break out when I remembered yesterdays events. Mara had been introduced to Vader and later when he attempted to bring her to her quarters she promptly kicked him in the shin. That was funny however no one laughed. My opinion of her rose slightly but I quickly smothered it. I didn't want to have any misplaced loyalties and anyway, hate was a hard thing to let go off.  
  
-----  
  
"Mara. Put. That. Down." I heavily accented every word. Little children with lightsabres were not a good idea. She could accidentally cut her self, losing a limb in the process. Hmm. Maybe that would teach her...  
  
No! Palpatine would kill me. Slowly and painfully the way he liked it. Right now Mara was insurance.   
  
Carefully I pried the Lightsabre away from her fingers with the force. As I called it to my hand I shut it down. I didn't want to use my own hand either. I had grown quite attached to it.  
  
I had been training Mara for six months now and she was growing stronger. She could be stronger than me but her power was suppressed and sometimes that made me wonder were her abilities totally reliant on Palpatine.  
  
I hoped not.  
  
My training was limited with her; Palpatine taught her usage of the force, Vader her lightsabre skills and I had to teach her how to un-react in situations. Oh yea I was the best person for that. Still with her on my hands it gave me little time to question my origins.   
  
Instead I wondered about Mara's. Jade was not a common surname. But I was obviously not important enough to know about her past.   
-----  
  
  
A change in the atmosphere alerted me that someone had just entered. I turned slowly making sure that there was no more weaponry on Mara's person.  
  
"Lord Vader." I gave him a short nod of my head. Ever since the 'Jedi' incident we had been on cooler terms. I had reverted to the more formal ways of greeting him and speaking to him as he did with me.   
  
Slowly I had retreated into a shell, keeping up a stone front. As long as I kept my mind quiet and my heart as stone I could survive. Utter dependence on no one.   
  
"Lady Ekaterin. Mara's presence is requested."  
  
I indicated for him to take her away. But he didn't. Two stormtroopers took her with them instead.  
  
"You wished to speak with me my Lord?" I kept my tone clipped.   
  
"Ekaterin. Do you wish to live?"  
  
I raised my eyebrows waiting for him to continue. Sometimes I wished to curl up and die. But I had already done that, why bother do it again? *Uisce Ban* A voice whispered to me but I readily dismissed it.  
  
"Of course I do."  
  
"Than be careful of Mara," he paused to look at me, " She will not..." he paused again continuing on uncertainly "always think the same as us."  
  
We thought the same? That was a first to me. What did he know that I didn't?   
  
I opened my mouth to speak but Vader left the room. Raising my finger to my lips I contemplated what he had told me. Mara hurt me? It then occurred to be what exactly he had said, "will not always ". It suggested in the future. Would she turn on me? Had he seen something happening involving the both of us. I knew Mara and I weren't exactly close but we did have a respect for each other. Fragile as it was, it was still there.  
  
He had warned me but what was I going to do? Nothing, I could do nothing. I was her teacher nothing more.   
  
A thought came gliding out of the darkness.   
"Ore would have expected more of you. Uisce Ban would not just give up."  
  
I grimaced as I put the name to a face. The boy, the Jedi they were all the same person, Ore. I felt the all familor pain begin to build up and I quickly cleared the thoughts from my mind.   
  
You are not Uisce Ban, I reminded my self firmly. You are the Emperor's hand and servant, nothing more. Never will be anything more.  
  
To be continued...  



	4. 

Thank you everyone for reading this so far and for your comments. This has now reached it's end. I'm working on some new fics for Ekaterin so hopefully they will be up soon.   
There is an alernative ending to this that I will put up later  
Anyway on with the story!  
  
Chapter 4. several years later.  
I feel so smothered. My mind is smothered, my whole existence is smothered. Palpatine controls where I go, what I do even how I act. By now he has curtailed by time with Mara. If this is what it is like to be free. What would it have been liked to being trapped?  
  
Mara. I can't trust her. She's dangerous to both Vader and I. Especially me. Ever since I was no longer used to train her, Palpatine had been growing tired of me. Snapping at me more than usual.   
  
But that may be just because of his upcoming project. The Death Star. Or I should say the second deathstar. The first didn't quite go to plan. There was some interference from a Jedi. I had thought that all the Jedi were dead but they weren't, sadly. Even after that Jedi had been cut down one still remained. The last Jedi. Vader's son.  
  
Vader had acted strangely after that; intense, angry. Quite a few admirals had suffered subsequently.   
  
Of course finding out you had a son would come has a shock. Then finding out he was part of the Jedi disease must have been horrific.   
  
My Master was going to deal with this lone Jedi and had sent Mara out to eliminate him. It would be the final test of her skills. Yes, she had dealt with politicians before but even I had done that. This time she would be going up against a Jedi. I only ever had the chance to find one. I was sent out like a child before I could confront him.   
  
  
  
I doubted Vader knew what Mara was up too, she could shield her thoughts well. I had only found out by accident.   
  
  
  
  
Right now I was as far away from Palpatine as possible. Still I was not as far away as I wanted to be. He repulsed me more and more each day and d@mn Mara noticed that too. I was sure she was turning him against me.   
  
I settled back into the force, letting it caress my mind. My progress had stopped; ever since I had put myself into a trance it was as if I had locked the unopened knowledge of the darkside. Perhaps Palpatine did know what I had done.  
  
My objective was simple in this assignment. I didn't have to kill anyone, hurt anyone bar the incompetent techs. Vader had taught me how to deal with them. All I had to do was to make sure the new materials for the Death Star had not been compromised in anyway.  
  
My anger flared up. He could have sent anyone else on such a demeaning task but why me? What had I done this time? I doubted he regarded me as a hand anymore.  
  
  
Hah! Idiot. I should have taken care of her when she first came into my care. "Oops Mara did I just *accidentally* gut you or oops did I just stab you?"  
  
Focus, I reminded myself sharply no use in crying over in lost chance. Palpatine would have killed you anyway. Technically one of her few companions I should be one of her most trusted friends. But that never happened and it never will happen.  
  
Yet once my anger had subsided and my jealousy was once more brought under my control I did not regard her as a enemy. I felt...a little pride. She may have come under Palpatine tutelage but I in a way cleaned her up. I passed on to her my skills, taught her how to become stone in a situation, when to rely on her anger. How to look down on people... In a way she could have been more to be than a pupil. Yet Palpatine made sure she never was...   
  
----  
  
I surveyed the crates in the hanger bay, they should have been already have been checked for bombs but it never hurt to be extra careful. Vader was somewhere on the ship. I imagined they had a new commander by now. Mara had probably dealt with Vader's son. She was strong enough to.   
  
My senses suddenly flared as I neared one of the crates. It looked exactly like the rest and there appeared to be nothing wrong with it. Yet the force was telling me otherwise. The darkside kept pushing me towards it.   
  
I yelled for one of the scurrying techs to bring over a scanner and he hastily complied. Nothing, the crate was same. There was nothing wrong with it. I gritted my teeth together.   
"Send for Lord Vader."   
The tech visibly balanced and ran off to do so.   
  
I could not wait for Vader to come; the force was telling me time was of the essence. Taking the initiative I opened the top of the crate using the force to steady my actions. No point in letting it blow up prematurely.   
  
I braced myself as I looked in to it. Shoot it still looked normal. Closing my eyes I envisioned it with my mind. It was the standard military design I'd expected. Stretching into the force I made sure it would be safe to remove the outer materials. Carefully I lifted the materials off and came face to face with it.   
  
It had just finished ticking down.   
  
  
  
I gasped taking a step back but before I had even the chance to shout it exploded. I felt something tug at me, trying to drag me back from it. Lights flashed in front of my eyes as the force of the explosion lifted me up into the air. It threw my body towards the wall as if I were only a rag doll.   
  
My back hit the wall first and I jerked in agony as I slid down the wall. A burning sensation was already coursing through my body and I felt as if every part of me was on fire. I was dimly aware of others frantic screams. Their pain began to sweep over me in uncontrollable waves, adding to my own.   
  
Suddenly I felt myself been gently lifted up. Now I understood what had slowed my descent. "Vader." I rasped.  
  
A healing wave brushed over me, barely beginning to heal my injuries. Vader had knelt down beside me, holding me in his arms. I realised he was attempting to heal me.  
  
"A medic will be here soon." He said matter of factly.   
  
A medic. He knew it by the time the medic would get here it would be too late. My face was reflecting in his suit. At least what was left of my face.   
  
"Vader...please-" I was broke off by a fit of coughing, blood speckled his suit.  
"My memories...please." I couldn't get more that a few words out at a time, it hurt too much to talk.  
  
He eased me back on to the ground and placed his hands on either side of my face. I felt a surge of the darkside and I nearly screamed. Memory rushed after memory. Racing through my mind as they reasserted themselves.   
  
  
  
  
A torrent of images flooded my mind, it was if my entire life flashed before my eyes in seconds. Every emotion I had ever felt, every sense of happiness or pain I had ever encountered, it felt like I was experiencing it all over again. I gasped as it suddenly ended. Only now did I realise what Vader meant when he told me it would hurt.   
  
Emotionally I was devastated.  
  
All my years here I wondered what secret past I had held and had wished to learn it. Maybe I had wished too much. I was a Jedi, a healer. Me? A Jedi. Who for some reason got to live while her friends, no, family were cut down in front of her. So this was Uisce, this was who I was.   
  
"Thank you," I struggled to form the words in my burning throat.   
  
"You can't go back now," He told me simply.  
  
I squeezed my eyes together in understanding, unable to move my head without incurring more pain. I couldn't go back to being Ekaterin now that I knew I was Uisce. Yet I couldn't be either.  
  
Guilt overwhelmed me as tears finally began to spring to my eyes. I had helped track down my fellow Jedi, killed people who could have helped them. What had I done? Why hadn't I tried harder to break free? Why couldn't I fight it?  
I bit back more bitter tears. It didn't matter now. I was tainted with the Darkside. Even as the light began to touch me once more it wouldn't be enough.  
  
"Vader, tell Mara she will survive, she will be stronger." As will you I silently thought but didn't voice. He knew.  
Vader nodded his assent; at least I thought he did.  
  
My mind began to drift away and I sensed that my breathing was gradually getting shallower. I felt as if both sides of the force were swirling round me and all I had to do was to reach out and grasp it. The light began to envelop me as I took my last ragged breath.  
  
-----Aftermath--------  
  
I was awakened by the sound of a rushing stream. Opening my eyes I noticed I was back at the temple. How? Not after what I had done...  
  
"Uisce!" A voice called.   
I turned round to the direction that it had come from.  
  
Ore-dai strode towards me, taking me into his arms.  
  
"I shouldn't be here." I stuttered.  
  
He smiled sadly, brushing away the tears from my eyes.  
"Why not? You didn't know what you were doing. You weren't the same person."  
  
I smiled slowly, still unsure. Looking round me I could see my Master coming towards me. Her kind compassionate face looking at me with affection.   
  
I was home, finally I was home.  
  
  
The End.  
  



	5. Choices

I felt as if a new strength washed over me. The darkness no longer reigned and I felt...free. Freer than I had felt in a long time.   
  
I opened my eyes carefully, blinking back the tears. I should be dead, logic dictated I should be dead.   
  
"Logic doesn't always apply when you're Jedi." Vaders mechanical voice cut into my thoughts, strange how I had never viewed his voice as Mechanical before. Now I could hear his deep breathing inflicted by his mechanical lung, it sounded painful.  
  
I did not recognise my surroundings and stiffed. A sudden apprehension flooded my mind; I wasn't in a mechanical suit like Vader was I? I moved my head to check, ignoring Vader for the present time, no I wasn't. Thank the force, the light side. A grim smile penetrated my lips.  
  
My attention slowly wandered back to Vader. "Does he know?"   
Note: This is an alternate ending that I wrote, it was well recieved on force.net so I decided to post it here also.  
Comments as always are really really appreiated!  
  
  
  
"No, as far as he knows you are dead."  
  
"Ah." My throat still rasped.  
.  
  
I fell into silence as I began to mull these thoughts in my mind. He thought I was dead. How was that possible? Could I be here and dead too.   
  
"Ekaterin is dead." He broke into my thoughts once more.  
  
I blinked rapidly before comprehending. Ekaterin was dead...Ekaterin had died the minute my memories had come back. "I'm free, I'm out, you can't lock me up anymore!", a tiny voice inside of me yelled.   
  
It then occurred to be I wasn't thinking how Uisce would have. Uisce was little more then a child when she was locked within. My current state of mind was not that of a child's. Well I hoped it wasn't. How did an adult think, how did Ekaterin think? Similar to this but not the same.  
  
"Ekaterin..."  
  
"She's dead, remember?" I reminded him.  
  
"Uisce..." He tried again.  
  
"The same goes for her."  
  
"Won't the others know I'm not dead?" I questioned. Please don't tell me I had regained my freedom only to lose it again.  
  
"They couldn't tell you apart from the others, I brought you in as a injured Tech."  
  
"Ah." Was my face really messed up that bad? I touched my face, feeling the tender skin; the patches of dry skin then the smooth.   
----  
I spent time there recuperating and slowly gaining more mobility. My nights were haunted by thoughts of what I had done and sometimes I cried out waking myself up. Everyone I knew before was gone, the people I know now, I could not return to.   
  
Vader had made that clear as he left. I couldn't associate with anyone who had known me in the Empire that would be downright stupid. But he had left me with enough credit to last me a year so I should be able to get back on my feet. I wonder if there are any jobs available for Ex-emperor hands.   
  
It looked like I hadn't lost Ekaterin sense of humour. I thought darkly.  
  
  
A few days later I was leaving the medical bay and leaving the station. I had lost two lives and I was about to begin a third.  
  
For 16 years I had lived as Uisce, for 11 years I had lived as Ekaterin. So who was I now? I wasn't Ekaterin; I could never be her again. Not after what she had done...no, what I had done under the persona of Ekaterin. Yet I wasn't Uisce either, she too had changed. As Ekaterin I had lived in the Darkside as Uisce I had lived in the light. Who could I be?  
  
Whoever you choose to be, their voices seemed to whisper to me.  
  
Freedom. I heard the force whisper to me. Freedom...Saorse.  
  
The End.   
  
  



End file.
